Ask Evelyn: Teach the teacher

Evelyn Petersen: Ask Evelyn

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October 13, 2009

By EVELYN PETERSEN The Record Eagle Tue Oct 13, 2009, 07:20 AM EDT

Q: Our parent conference is coming up soon. Usually I just go and listen to what the teacher has to say about our son, but then I always leave feeling unsatisfied. This time I want my husband to go too. I think his perspective may differ from mine and with both of us there the discussion would be better, and more valuable to the teacher and to us. He may ask different questions too. What are some ways we can be better prepared for this parent teacher conference? -- K. P.

A: I totally agree that your husband needs to attend and give his input and perspective; it is just as valuable as yours. Remember that what you have to say as parents is just as important as what the teacher has to say. YOU are the experts on your own child.

The purpose of parent-teacher conferences is to share information that will help the teacher do the best job of planning and teaching your child. It should be a two-way conversation and team effort, not a one way stream of communication from the teacher to you.

You know your son best. Both of you should jot down some notes about what you think the teacher needs to know about your son's learning style, interests, personality, talents and strengths. Compare your notes, and then put a summary on your computer and make a printout to leave with the teacher. This information will help the teacher understand what interests your child and what makes him eager to learn.

Before the conference, write down your own questions in priority order. Your time will be short so be specific. Examples: Does he get along with others? Does he complete tasks in a timely manner? How does the teacher assess his progress? Is there a portfolio of samples of your son's work? Are there any health problems or family issues you need to share? Does your son have anything he wants you to bring up? Now here are some tips for the actual conference:

-- Listen carefully to what the teacher says, jotting down your questions.

-- Ask the questions you brought and any new ones you have.

-- Tell the teacher things about your son that you know are important to his learning style and motivation, including his talents and interests. (Leave the printout.) This is the only way your son's teacher will get this information!

-- Tell the teacher your son's concerns if he has shared any.

-- If there are any problems, brainstorm ways to help at home and school, including the types of praise and reinforcement that you both will use.

-- Leave your home and work phone numbers and exchange e-mail addresses. Plan to meet again if necessary. Be sure you know who to go to at the school if you need help or cooperation beyond the classroom teacher.

-- When you get home, talk in a positive way with your child about the conference.

Evelyn Petersen is an award-winning parenting columnist and child and family advocate who lives in Traverse City. E-mail questions to evelynpetersen@yahoo.com. For more columns from Evelyn Petersen, visit record-eagle.com/askevelyn.

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