Ask Evelyn: Toddler hates to get dirty

Evelyn Petersen: Ask Evelyn

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May 12, 2009

Anonymous The Record Eagle Tue May 12, 2009, 06:50 AM EDT

Q: The first meltdown my daughter had was when she was under a year old and she realized that her hands were covered in mango pulp. She screamed and screamed to have her hands cleaned but only to go right back to the mango.

At the park she frequently cleans the sand from her toes and tries her hardest not to get any sand on her hands or clothes. She will not sit on anything that has marks or a stain. She refuses to walk through dirty melted snow, with her boots on, and that's only a few examples.

Now she is 28 months old and we are in Trinidad for a visit with her dad. She will not put her feet down on his mother's property because "it's dirty." It's not dirty, of course, but is the usual Trinidad home with concrete verandas. If my husband holds her, she's OK. I think her fear of getting dirty is getting worse.

What can I do? Is this really serious or will it pass? She can have a messy face, but I think that's because she can't see the mess. Her hands get dirty during everyday play and she doesn't say anything about that. Do kids grow out of these things? Can I help her to get over it? -- R. C.

A: One of our children was very much like that between ages 1 and 3. She did not want to go barefoot in sand or grass, and also would not willingly try any new foods. But yes, she grew out of it, and your child will, too.

The breakthrough was actually at a sandy beach in July when she was 2 years and 3 months old. The family went to the outlet of a creek into Lake Michigan. It was very hot and sunny. She got caught up with the other siblings (a sister one year younger, a sister nine years older and a brother age 8) as they were playing in the sand, finding shells and making sand castles. Eventually she started to wade in the muddy castle moats and the shallow water of the creek.

I was so amazed and grateful that I took a picture of her smiling broadly in her little sundress, totally full of mud head to toe. This problem for her was not resolved overnight, but that was the start of her turnaround.

Don't give up hope. It will help if you encourage her to enjoy and play with open-ended materials like homemade play dough or shaving cream spread on a table for easily cleaned up finger painting. Also try sand and water play and washable watercolor paints on big paper. And be sure you play with her! She needs to see that adults enjoy messy fun, too. See my homemade play dough recipe on the creative pages in www.askevelyn.com.

Evelyn Petersen is an award-winning parenting columnist and child and family advocate who lives in Traverse City. E-mail questions to evelynpetersen@yahoo.com. For more columns from Evelyn Petersen, visit record-eagle.com/askevelyn.

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