This past summer we enjoyed a weeklong visit with my wife's cousin from Florida. She had never visited northern Michigan and while she was here we gave her the deluxe tour.
Naturally we spent one day visiting our favorite wineries in both the Old Mission and Leelanau peninsulas. Needless to say, we are now well-stocked on local wines. We also toured our sunset coast from Frankfort to Leland including the Sleeping Bear Dunes National Lakeshore.
We devoted several days to just hanging out at our cottage appreciating the beauty of our lake and the picture-perfect weather. Both the gals loved catching up on the latest "scoop" and the chitchat frequently went well into the night.
One morning during her stay, the ladies decided that at least one day should be spent shopping in Traverse City. They wanted to spend some "quality" time together. I told them that I would definitely miss them. Immediately, the wheels started turning as I planned how I was going to spend my day! I had some gardening to tend to. Maybe I'd mow the lawn. Surely I would have time to go fishing. I was certain that they would be gone for a very long time. After all, they were going shopping.
That evening, after a delightful dinner, my wife dropped the bombshell. She said that they thought it would be great fun if I would go with them. We could start at one end of Front Street and work our way to the other. All those cute shops! I felt that I was about to have a wisdom tooth extracted without the benefit of Novocain.
I'm sure that there must be some guys out there who enjoy shopping, but I am not one of them. I could visualize all of my plans for the following day being flushed down the drain and the forecast was for beautiful weather. It was time to start working on Plan B. I figured that as long as I was being shanghaied, I might as well make the best of my plight. I did have a few errands that I needed to run in Traverse but they involved a welding shop, a garden center and an auto dealership. Thankfully, this was a far cry from the "cute shops" on Front Street and the mall.
The next morning I reviewed the stops that were on my list with my "shopping buddies" and they were not impressed nor did they want to accompany me. Instead they said that I could first drop them at the mall and then go do my thing. Trying to determine how much time I had, I delicately inquired about what they needed at the mall. It seems that one of them needed to purchase an item that fell into the undergarment category; that was it. I suggested that they could call me on my cell phone when they were ready to be picked up.
In less than an hour I had visited the welding shop, picked up the part I had ordered from the auto dealership and had two big flowerpots, purchased from the garden center, stashed in the back of the SUV. I couldn't believe I hadn't heard from the girls.
I raced back to the mall figuring that they would be pacing back and forth in front of JC Penney looking for me.
Not spotting anyone familiar I parked my vehicle and turned on the radio while waiting for them to call me. Forty-five minutes later I thought I better call them and was informed that they would be about another 15 minutes.
Eventually I spotted them as the emerged from the mall, both carrying bags in each arm. As they entered the vehicle, my wife uttered those famous words: "You are not going to believe how much money I saved you!"
Before I could bite my lip, I mentioned that I thought they were looking for only one item.
I have come to the realization that men buy and women shop. When men go shopping, they are on a mission and their goal is to complete the mission with military-like precision. Women actually enjoy the process and delight in meandering through endless clothing and cosmetic departments with numerous pauses along the way.
Men, for example, are looking for a new crescent wrench and could care less about anything between the front door and the tool aisle. After purchasing the wrench, they immediately retrace their steps back to and out the front door and bolt for their vehicle.
I'm not quite sure why most men are so different when it comes to shopping but it does explain why women account for 83 percent of U.S. consumer spending.
I could have explored the statistical accuracy of this phenomenon in greater depth but before I could ponder it any further we were off to Front Street.
Ed Hungness and his wife owned their cottage on Fife Lake for six years before moving there after his retirement in 2005. He can be reached at edhungness@yahoo.com. For more of Ed's columns, log on to record-eagle.com/edhungness.
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