There are a lot of weird things about being divorced and dating your former spouse.
The most obvious is the very fact of doing that. In the beginning, most people get all googly eyed and coo, "Oh, isn't that nice?"
But there's a reason people get divorced -- in fact, there can be many. So when you're still dating three years later, after a few on and offs along the way, googly eyes get replaced by "What are you doing?"
Still, we human beings do the best we can, and so we plod on, trying to learn and do better and not repeat mistakes as we figure it all out. That said, it's a lot easier to be dating the father of your own children than someone else's. You don't have to blend into a whole new family. You already know how he likes his eggs and his shirt size.
Yet there remains this: How do you refer to each other when making introductions, especially to strangers or acquaintances who don't know the story?
I don't like the term "ex," usually opting instead for "former." Somehow, it sounds nicer -- more refined, if such a thing is possible when the topic is divorce.
Still, I don't want to say "former" in a casual introduction because it begs an explanation, as in: So, what is he doing here then?
If we happen to travel, it's no big deal to let the hotel clerk or airline agent assume we are Mr. and Mrs. We have the same last name, after all. And in the eyes of the Catholic church, we still are, so technically that's not deceitful. It's easier to let it go than correct them because next thing you know they'd be getting our whole life story and they don't want to hear that.
Sometimes I just flat out say his name without identifying the former spousal relationship and let them assume what they may. If they know I'm divorced, they might guess he was my husband, or maybe they think he's a brother or cousin. When it's people who know our kids, I introduce him as their father.
Then I read about a guy a few months ago who had won a big lottery jackpot. The first thing he said he did after learning about his win was to phone his "significant ex." That's how he referred to his former wife, whom he was dating.
I liked that one, and decided maybe it would work for us.
And if he wins the lottery? Even better.
Kathy Gibbons, a longtime Record-Eagle columnist, can be reached at gibbonskath@yahoo.com. For more of Kathy's columns, log on to record-eagle.com/kathygibbons.
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