By DEE BLAIR
Shrove Tuesday -- Pancake Day in Britain, reminiscent of Mardi Gras. Traditionally, rich foods made with butter, sugar and eggs are enjoyed the day before Lent begins.
Gather a mess of squirming youngsters, add adults armed with frying pans hosting muscular pancakes, toss in a carnival atmosphere on a sunny Shrove Tuesday morning and you'd have the ingredients for the Flipping Great Pancake Races. Ross-on-Wye's dignified white-haired mayor presided. Dressed in a heavy crimson robe finished with black trim, a large white neck ruffle and huge gold-chained medallion, he was the essence of officialdom.
Like other British towns, Ross is enduring the bad taste of economic downturn, so trade merchants revived this ancient pancake ritual to thank its citizens for their continuing patronage. Twenty years on the shelf hasn't made the event stale; half the town turned up.
After paying the one-pound entry fee, which went to charity, aproned adults ran the 100-meter dash, flipping their pancakes at the halfway mark and again at the finish line. A beaming bearded man won. Someone captured the prize for Best Apron.
One tot, hungry at the halfway point of the children's 50-meter dash, ate her entry instead of flipping it. Many shocked pancakes found themselves on the street. Laughing parents re-panned rumpled remains and cheered their charges on to glory. Clutching certificates, the triumphant winners filled much of the Ross Gazette's front page two days later. Additional photos were displayed inside. More are promised in next week's edition.
Also featured on the front page was Able Mabel, now 106 years old. I thought she looked decades younger. Mabel loves to knit, and, until recently, helped run the little post office. The paper reminded its readers that she'd biked to her job at the local chemist's (pharmacy) till she was 87.
Businesses nestled in Ross' ancient buildings have gotten creative. A sign in an optician's window that displays sample glasses frames reads: If you don't see what you want, you've come to the right place!
Crammed with charm, a tiny bookshop cheekily advises potential customers to GET LOST! -- in books. Browsers enter chuckling.
A snugly boxed momma cat and six nursing kittens delight garden center patrons, but potential kit-nappers are put on notice: Puss-pinching will be pounced on.
This week Sainsbury's grocery will host a Guess Whose Legs! competition. Hmmm. Maybe I'll go to this contest! And no, I won't enter.
A butcher shop assures patrons that We'll meat you here every day! And inside a health food/kitchen supply shop near jars of organic jam I found this recipe:
Preserved Children
1 large grassy field
1/2 dozen children
2 or 3 small dogs
Some pebbles
Few buckets of brook
Some wildflowers
Method
Mix the children and dogs together. Pop them into a field, stirring constantly. Pour the brook over the pebbles, then sprinkle the field with flowers. Spread all of this under a deep blue sky. Bake in the hot sunshine. When well browned, remove to the bathtub.
A computer store baldly states: We are now hiring geeks and nerds: Only qualified applicants need apply. See hairless head nerd for details.
Another grocery encourages patrons to buy their own rough-woven tote, nicely displayed, for just two pounds. Be kind -- take an old bag shopping.
Ross businesses have managed to retain a sense of humor as they encourage residents and tourists to indulge. I confess to coveting a large cement hare that gazes soulfully skyward. Weighing at least 15 pounds, he sits in a store window crammed with tempting goods. A tiny sign by his feet warns: Hare today, gone tomorrow! I grin, but haven't succumbed -- yet.
Dee Blair's Sunnybank Gardens are closed for the season. Visit her Web site, www.deeblair.com for more information. Find more of her columns online at record-eagle.com/deeblair.
