Traverse City Record-Eagle

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March 2, 2010

'Just say no' is a little too simplistic

Strength has to be a component in fighting addiction

By SAM BEAN

You see all the commercials on television, "Just say no!" as if that two-letter word makes all the dealers and friends who pressure you disappear.

Let me tell you they don't disappear, they don't just leave you alone, and they don't give up. As they say, misery loves company and misery will seek out that company even after it is denied.

The fallacies that are told to children to keep them away from drugs can be quite ridiculous, but that doesn't mean they don't serve an important purpose -- creating fear. If only I had been afraid, then maybe I could have spent the last two years at home. My parents told me that it was just a home away from home, but I didn't want home away from home; I just wanted home.

But I'm getting a bit ahead of myself, aren't I?

It was a picturesque autumn day. The leaves were an assortment of beautiful oranges and reds. I was with the girl of my dreams. I couldn't look afraid to smoke a little pot. I was no square; I was the great Sam Bean who was afraid of nothing.

The way my friends filled the bowl with smoke made it look so cool. These were the kids I wanted to keep close to me. The rotation came around to me and I did as I saw without questioning -- and I felt truly home. The house I stayed at wasn't home; it was just a place to sleep. The feeling of being high at that second was home, and I wanted to stay there for the rest of my life.

So I did my best to never feel normal. My skin became the most uncomfortable place for me to stay. I had to do my best to never feel like Sam Bean, who was just a regular kid. Sam Bean on drugs was the person I wanted to be; he was the cool kid who always knew the right things to say.

After a few years into my descent into drugs, smoking pot was the least of my problems. I wasn't even the cool Sam anymore. I was someone who no one wanted to be around. People became tools for me to use and manipulate.

My parents decided I was not going to quit my addictions at home by myself, so I was sent away to an in-patient treatment facility for 84 days. There I learned that I had completely lost the ability to manage my own life. I wasn't in control of my life; the substances I had poisoned my body with were in the captain's chair.

After that I spent 11 months at a boarding school where I got into a habit that truly changed the way I looked at the world and people in general.

Praying in the morning, during the day and before I went to sleep became my key to opening the door to an understanding of other people as human beings with feelings and opinions of their own. My connection to people became one of mutual respect, not me acting as a parasite taking from people what I needed.

College poses the most imposing obstacle I will have to face in my sobriety. When -- not if -- drugs are offered to me, I have plenty of tools in my toolbox to pull out, including prayer and the most useful tool -- my cell phone with a list of people who would talk to me at any time of the night if they thought they could help.

What I know now is that just saying "no" will not make the drugs go away. It is going to be up to me to stand strong against the culture I am sure to encounter.

Sam Bean is a senior at Elk Rapids High School.

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