Traverse City Record-Eagle

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November 28, 2009

Who, how much to tip and gift?

By Vanessa McCray

TRAVERSE CITY -- Willow Hill Elementary found a creative way to solve the yearly holiday conundrum of what to give your child's teacher at Christmas.

Most don't need another ornament or apple tchotchke, so the Traverse City school launched its Giving Star Program. For a $5 donation, parents, students and school personnel can purchase a star, which children decorate in honor of a teacher or favorite school employee. The stars are hung from the ceiling, and the collected dollars go into a special fund.

"The money is earmarked for needy families," said Principal Colleen Smith. "It's really cool that we are not buying mugs and trinkets for teachers."

The question of what to give and who to tip during the holidays returns each December like a boxed-up fruitcake. Mail carriers, house cleaners, hair stylists, garbage collectors, bartenders, pet-care providers, newspaper carriers, nannies and teachers are among the long list of people to tip or send a gift to. But in this poor economy, gift-giving and tipping may change or decrease, and that's not necessarily poor etiquette, said local manners expert Maggie Quinn.

"Although everyone would like to remember somebody at the holidays, they might be changing what they normally do for obvious reasons," Quinn said.

She said people may decide to save money by making something or giving food "as a little memento for the holidays."

"We should all just kind of have cheer in our hearts and do what we can," said Quinn.

A Consumer Reports survey indicated Americans are scaling back on tips to service providers. About a quarter of respondents who said they usually gave a tip or gift said they would spend less this year than last, the survey found. Only 6 percent indicated they would spend more this season.

"Everybody is feeling that things are different this year, and I think it's OK," Quinn said.

Many service workers, like waiters, depend on tips to supplement a very low hourly wage. The service industry takes "the brunt of a downturn in an economy," said Quinn. Some people who once had regular house cleaning help may no longer be able to afford it. No house keeper, no tip. But, for others, the economy has not made a difference in their ability to hand out extra at the holidays, said Quinn, noting the practice of giving a week's wage as a tip for a house cleaner.

For teacher

Some Willow Hill parents also will give presents to teachers, but the Star fund offers "a little more manageable" gift solution for families, especially those with multiple children in school, Smith said. Because many teachers pay out of their own pockets for school supplies for needy students, the donations can relieve some of that burden. The pot of money is used discreetly within the school to pay for anything from food to electricity bills to clothing and shoes, Smith said.

Vicki Van Nes, a member of the Cherry Knoll Elementary parent teacher organization, suggested giving classroom gifts to teachers. Items such as books, dry erase markers or gift certificates to office supply stores or book shops are appreciated, she said. Mill Creek Elementary Principal Maggie Antcliff said teachers at her Elk Rapids school don't expect gifts but appreciate donations such as books and board games. The gesture is especially kind as discretionary funds used to pay for those items dry up.

"The mugs and the lotions and the candles, it's very, very thoughtful but ultimately doesn't benefit ... the kids or the teacher or anybody," Antcliff said.

She advised sending money to a charity in the name of the class, which also shows children the importance of "giving back."

Service providers

How much to tip is a question families often ask Sheila Sych, who runs the child care referral service Traverse City Nannies.

Her rule is to give the nanny one week's pay. Some families are "very generous," offering perks like a week at their vacation home, Sych said. Giving "a little extra" to a nanny who plays such an important role in the household is a way "to make her feel that you really appreciate" the work, she said. Regular baby sitters should receive holiday tips, she said.

Nannies treasure tips that are accompanied by a poem or craft made by the child. What "doesn't feel right" is when a nanny is not tipped but returns to the home to find heaps of unopened Christmas gifts for the children, Sych said.

The holiday rush already started at The Clipper Dog Grooming in Traverse City, where pets are made prettier in time for group get-togethers.

"We get tips all year round. We especially get bigger ones at Christmas," said Susie Penney. "And, we get a lot of homemade cookies and presents."

And those handmade goodies are just fine by her: "We love 'em," Penney said.

Before tipping or giving, it's wise to check if the recipient's employer has any policies that restrict gift acceptance. U.S. Postal Service "holiday ethics" require employees to decline gifts "in most situations," said Laurie Donaldson, postmaster in Suttons Bay. Instead of giving cash to the mail carrier consider instead a snack. Donaldson said the gift question does come up this time of year.

"They should be giving out cookies or some little munchie," she said.

A handwritten note and an honest approach can go a long ways when a person can't afford to give or tip as much as in the past.

"I think that is a really important thing -- it's the contact during the holiday season -- thinking about you, wishing you well," Quinn said.

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