Traverse City Record-Eagle

Perspectives, by various authors

May 14, 2011

End-of-life caregivers suffer grief but have pride

By Albert Lewis, Local columnist ----

In the 1970s when a group of about a dozen people decided it would benefit the community if we could bring hospice care to Grand Rapids, none of us anticipated the initial medical and political resistance.

And none of us could have imagined how the concept of palliative care at home, in a hospital or hospice facility would grow and flourish.

We were a group of clergy, social workers, nurses, physicians and community activist who wanted to bring more caring and compassionate understanding to people with end-stage diseases and their families.

Today hospice care is widely known, respected and even sought out. A number of excellent hospice facilities and providers now offer incredible care throughout Michigan.

Recently I had the opportunity to speak to more than 200 hospice team members in three different settings. I was invited to talk with them about how to minimize hospice care burnout and how to be more fully present with their patients and families.

In researching data about the hospice teams and the particular stress they face, I learned that hospice care givers often experience more stress than does a widow or widower in the first year after a mate's death. Additionally, hospice workers may experience more stress than does a woman who has recently been told she has breast cancer.

And yet these dedicated nurses, nurses aides, dieticians, social workers, chaplains, doctors, administrators and custodians go to work each day and share their lives and hearts with people who are actively transitioning from life to death. And, if they do their work well their patients will die well and families will be supported indefinitely through their grief.

In 1978, when Hospice of Grand Rapids was preparing to hire its first nurse, four of us interviewed the people who had applied. I will always remember the one question I asked each candidate, and how it impacted the decision about hiring him or her: "How do you feel knowing that if you do your job well, your patient will die?

One of the first applicants responded: "I don't think it would bother me that much. I have seen a lot of death in my present position." I had no further questions for that applicant; nor did my other team members.

We were looking for people who would feel loss and grief and sadness because such people would be wonderfully human. We would provide emotional and spiritual support for our nurse, but we expected that nurse to have a close relationship with the patient unless the patient chose otherwise.

A dear friend is a gifted OB-GYN physician. He once told me, "I decided to go into this area of medicine because I wanted to be involved with birth and pre-natal care rather than other aspects of medicine." His career has been devoted to excellent care in those areas.

Another friend has chosen palliative care because she wants to make sure people exit this life with as much dignity and caring as possible. "I cannot prevent death," she tells me, "but I can make sure that everything possible is done to minimize physical and emotional pain."

In recent weeks Shirley and I have had lengthy conversations about our own wishes if and when we require end-of-life care. Both of us are committed to maintaining the dignity and sanctity of the other and to opening ourselves to hospice care at home or in a hospice facility. We both hope and pray that time is in the distant future. And we are both deeply grateful for the care, compassion and commitment hospice teams provide to those we know and love.

To those who make hospice care possible I offer my deepest appreciation and gratitude. In simple silence you whisper God's words and bring light where others see only darkness.

Rabbi Dr. Albert M. Lewis is rabbi of Congregation Beth El in Traverse City. He is a public speaker and author of "Soul Sounds: Reflections on Life," available at www.soulsoundsbook.com.

Contact him through the Record-Eagle, 120 W. Front St., Traverse City MI 49684.

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