Traverse City Record-Eagle

Kathleen Gest: Senior Focus

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November 26, 2011

Senior Focus: Role reversal

By Kathleen Gest, Local columnist ----

It is difficult to see our parents -- pillars of strength and protection when we were children -- slowly lose their strength, health and mental capability.

As our population ages, nearly 10 million adult children, mainly baby boomers (born between 1946 and 1964), are finding themselves the primary caregivers for their aging parents.

Jerry Hays, himself a boomer, has now taken on the role reversal of caring for one of his parents. About a year and a half ago, he and his mother, Vivian, moved back to Traverse City. Vivian was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and wanted to be closer to her sister before her memory was completely lost.

Jerry was working in the film industry downstate. Because his work involved different locations, he has had to put his career on hold to take care of his mother.

"I can't really go off and work on movie sets for months at a time ... once you start on a job it's a three- to four-month commitment," Jerry said. "Right now, I am watching my mother 24/7. So, I don't really have much time to do something for myself."

There is no help, either financial or physical assistance, from his younger sister in Florida. However, with services provided by the Grand Traverse County Commission on Aging, he is getting some assistance and relief. On Tuesdays and Thursdays, the Commission on Aging sends a certified nurse assistant to the house. She helps with Vivian's bathing, blood pressure checks, oral care and hair care. Jerry also contracts for respite care from them.

"Thank goodness for them," Jerry said. "They are angels."

Jerry is also very diligent about bringing his mother to the Traverse City Senior Center several times a week.

"One of the reasons I bring her to the Senior Center is for the socialization and bingo ... they say brain stimulation can never hurt with Alzheimer's. And, the exercising with Michelle (You Can Exercise) keeps her limber."

Caregiving for his mother is basically a full-time job. Jerry does all of the cooking, laundry, housework and chauffeuring.

"How her illness affects me right now is hard to gauge. It definitely takes a toll on me emotionally, but I think it is a time thing. It will probably play a little harder on me as time goes on," Jerry said. "I don't know what is going to happen, but it is definitely a strain for one person -- no getting around that."

No matter how much you love your parents, taking care of them is going to disrupt your life. Jerry believes all you can do is love them and hope for the best in the future -- and do what you can.

As boomers like Jerry continue to get older and put further stress on the health-care system, we must ask ourselves who will care for them when their time of need arrives?

Kathleen Bellaw Gest is a local freelance writer.

For more about the Traverse City Senior Center, go to www.tcseniorcenter.com.

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